Many people in committed relationships sometimes underestimate the impact financial decisions can have on their partnership, their family, and their financial future. In fact, most couples don’t discuss their finances on a regular basis, which can lead to personal misunderstandings and resentments. Further, it can prevent people from making informed choices about their finances.
Communication is the key to making good financial decisions that will benefit you both in the long run. When people’s feelings and concerns are heard, it’s easier to move forward with a concrete plan.
Failure to communicate about finances can contribute to most of the relationship conflict between couples.
If you’ve been avoiding the money issue in your relationship, here’s why you should make the move to start a financial conversation with your partner.
Common cause of conflict
Time, plus social and economic changes, have affected how we define “family,” which can get complicated. We’re contributing more financial baggage than ever to our relationships, including credit card debt, student loans, mortgages, and other investments. This can make things seem overwhelming and hamper the financial conversation.
But even if your baggage is light, the money issue often weighs heavy. A 2025 Harris poll found that 85% of Americans are worried about money. Nearly half (46%) are losing sleep over money worries.
Also in 2025, a Talker Research survey found:
- One in three Americans are uncomfortable discussing finances in their relationship. Of those, almost half (44%) worried that discussing finances in their relationship will lead to disagreements. In fact, the average couple has 58 money related arguments per year.
- One-third (32%) of respondents stated they have different ideas from their partner on how much to spend and save.
- Four in five (82%) Americans surveyed believe couples having a similar philosophy about money is key for a healthy relationship. However, only 69% said they have a similar financial philosophy to their partner.
- Arguments were most likely about differing opinions of “needs” vs. “wants.”
Failure to communicate about finances can contribute to most of the relationship conflict between couples.
The meaning of money
Money doesn’t have meaning; we assign meaning to money. Our personal relationship with it is forged early in life. Childhood experiences, education, how our parents handled finances, and our financial and social status influence our views about it.
That means two people often come into a relationship with different ideas about what money represents and how it should be used. What defines a “good” financial decision depends on a person’s unique values and viewpoint.
Start a conversation
If we don’t have serious conversations about money, we won’t understand each other’s perspectives on the topic. And that’s an important first step to take before you can make a plan.
Open, honest communication is just as important with finances as any other partnership decision, whether it’s buying a house, changing jobs, or having children. If you’re not talking finances and feel stressed about it, you may find that once you acknowledge the obvious, it won’t seem so overwhelming. Being open, honest, and clear about monetary expectations may help prevent small issues from turning into big resentments.
Use the questions in the Financial conversation starters document to help you start a conversation, then…
Make a plan
- Decide who should handle the finances.
- Determine whether you will have separate or joint accounts.
- Work out who will pay what and how much. Make sure both of you are happy with the plan.
- Develop a strategy to balance saving against spending.
- Agree upon some short-term and long-term financial goals.
- Set rules on when you need to discuss a purchase together.
- Create a written budget and revisit it every year. One option is to use our free budget sheet.
Remember, what works for one couple won’t necessarily work for another. Find a plan that fits you both. And make time to talk together on a regular basis.